I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
