3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
