you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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