I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
