Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
