with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
