2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
