Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
