Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
