we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
