just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
