I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
