There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
