i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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