My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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