I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
