Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
