Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
