she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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