i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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