Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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