Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
