Whod you bang
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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