Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize