Already got asked if we're dating
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Farmville is her only friend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
