He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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