Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
