Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are two peas in an std pod
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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