Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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