So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
