If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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