my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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