Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
