Im at strip club and am horny
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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