A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
