D3 body, D1 cock
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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