At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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