we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
