Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
