according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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