im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
