i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
