I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
