hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
