all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
