You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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