**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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