Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
