I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize