those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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