I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
