Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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