I just made out with a guy for $7.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
