I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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