When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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