This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
