Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
