Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im holly from the hills drunk
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
