Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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