Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
