But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
