Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
