remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
