Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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