I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
