Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
