so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
