get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
