Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
