i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
