every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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