Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
