and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
