Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
