My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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