That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize