Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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