my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
