ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
