I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
