you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
