i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
