I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize