Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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