She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
