my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
