The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
