My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
