I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
