i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
