fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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