I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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