yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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