You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize