Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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